How to Build the Muscle of Fulfillment

Vera Jo Bustos | Coach VJ
Nov 25, 2025
4 min read

Earlier this year, I was sitting in an airport lounge in Denver doing what every seasoned traveler does in an airport lounge. Minding my business, charging my phone, sipping water like it’s champagne, and silently praying my flight doesn’t get delayed.

Then he arrived. The kind of arrival where the room changes before the person even sits down. His voice carried across the lounge with intentional volume. He paced while talking on his phone, performing for strangers he’d never meet.

A two-million-dollar deal. A private jet undergoing repairs.

A complaint about how “terrible” commercial travel is.

And a few comments that revealed what he really thought of the people around him.

Every sentence was a billboard for his status. Yet nothing about him felt grounded or steady. It was all projection. All noise. A hollow man trying to fill himself with the sound of his own importance.

That is the chase for the feel-good.

Money as validation.

Power as identity.

Status as oxygen.

It reminded me of something I learned the hard way in Greece years ago.

Back then, I lived and played professionally in a place that looked like a dream. Golden beaches. Clear water. Sunsets that looked like they were painted in real time. It felt like the world paused every evening just to take it in.

Paradise.

Or so I thought.

A beautiful place does not guarantee a beautiful experience. You can stand in the middle of paradise and still feel alone when you have no one to share it with. You can live inside the palace you always imagined and still feel like something is missing if the walls are built with ego instead of connection.

Sitting in that airport lounge, listening to that man brag about jets and money, the connection became clear.

If you are not careful, ego becomes architecture.

You begin building walls instead of relationships.

You climb higher instead of going deeper.

You create a palace you cannot leave because the walls keep rising with every accomplishment.

Paradise without people is not paradise.

Success without character is not fulfillment.

Winning feels good. But feeling good isn’t the same as being fulfilled.

You see it in sports all the time. A team wins it all one year, then fades the next. A player earns a big contract, then their effort quietly dips. It’s not always intentional; it’s a natural part of human nature. Once the emotional reward fades, so does the drive. That is the difference between performing for the feel-good and living with fulfillment.

One feeds your ego. The other sustains your purpose.

Mental Lesson: The Path to Fulfillment

Fulfillment grows from who you are becoming, not what you achieve. It is the internal alignment between your values, your habits, and your identity.

When you perform to feel good, your energy rises and falls with outcomes. When you perform to fulfill who you are becoming, your effort stays consistent because it is rooted in identity, not emotion or outcomes.

You do not build fulfillment by chasing more. You build it by becoming more.

Fulfillment begins with three identity pillars.

1. Identity Pillar One: Purpose Purpose answers the question: Why does this work matter to me? This is the anchor that keeps you from drifting when the emotional reward fades.

2. Identity Pillar Two: Standards Standards are the behaviors that define who you are on your best day and hold you steady on your worst. (Standards are who you are, Goals are what you want). When your standards rise, your fulfillment rises with them.

3. Identity Pillar Three: Integrity of Effort Integrity of effort is the daily follow-through. It is the quiet work that no one sees. It is the alignment between who you say you are and how you actually show up.

These three pillars create something deeper than feel-good moments; they create fulfillment that lasts.

Next Rep: Build the Muscle of Fulfillment

Here’s your rep:

Identify Your Fulfillment Source What part of your craft brings meaning? ex: Teaching. Competing. Serving. Creating. Leading.
Audit the Chase What am I chasing right now, and who is it turning me into? Be brutally honest.
Subtract to Multiply What habits, wants, distractions, or ego-driven pursuits are shrinking who I am becoming? Subtract one. Fulfillment grows when you remove what dilutes your character and create space for what strengthens it.

This is the work that builds fulfillment.

Not the rush of emotion. Not the applause and validation. But daily alignment between who you say you are and the work you pursue to make it your reality.