The Mindset Shift Every High Performer Needs

The Mindset Shift Every High Performer Needs: The Dream You're Living

Twelve young men. Coaching staff. Whiteboard. 

I was on a NCAA Division I campus, inside the film room that belonged to the men's basketball team.

It was the latest mental performance session. Everything appeared quite normal.

Until I read the room with undivided attention.

The team had just returned from a 10-day road trip across California. Four high-caliber opponents. One win. Three losses. 

Long flights. Hotel beds. Quick turnarounds.

Bodies sore. Minds tired.

The room carried the weight of expectations lost. The kind of heaviness that settles into the shoulders, where body language does all the talking, where baggage isn't something one places in the overhead compartment. 

I could have begun with a shared story of suffering. Been there. Felt that. But I didn't detour. As I always do, I opened the session with a simple question, the one that makes each session about their present, not my past.

“Anything you all want to touch on today before I dive in?”

A hand rose. The extended arm was long, sculpted, purposeful. So was the voice.

“How do you stay mentally tough and focused after coming back from a 10-day road trip that kicked your ass?”

The room burst into laughter. 

Real question.

Real moment. 

Real honesty. 

I nodded. I smiled. I responded.

“I’m glad you asked. But here’s the thing . . . you’re looking at this the wrong way.”

The laughter faded into focus.

“You’re choosing to see everything that wore you down. The losses. The fatigue. The exhaustion. And all of that is real. But you’re missing what came with it.”

I continued.

“I saw growth in all four games. I saw communication sharpen. I saw players helping each other up. I saw coaches and athletes connecting under stress. And most importantly, I saw your mental game expand because of how challenging this trip was.”

Their facial expressions transformed. They leaned into the upright position.

“You’re focusing on everything you lost.”

“I see everything you gained.”

I didn't stop there.

“Perspective drives performance the same way a camera lens determines the clarity of an image. What you focus on shapes what you see.” 

It was time for show-and-tell.

“Raise your hand if in middle school you dreamed of playing Division I basketball.”

Hands shot up, heads nodded.

“Look around.”

“You’re living the dream you used to fantasize about. And somewhere along the journey, the dream became the complaint.”

The room froze into knowing silence. The players. The coaches. Myself. No one was immune. 

The job we begged for becomes the job we grumble about.The relationship we prayed for becomes the relationship we take for granted.The life we once dreamed of becomes the life we nitpick.

I get it.

More than you know.

I prayed for the life I have now. A full speaking calendar. Audiences in the thousands. Opportunities to teach the mental game at the highest levels.

I even remember offering to speak for free, wishing someone would give me just one chance. Just one. Not two. Not three. Not four. Just one.

And now? 

Even though I’m living the reality of my dreams, there are days when I catch myself sighing about packed travel months, delayed flights, or the constant packing and unpacking of a suitcase. The dream I worked for is suddenly the routine I rush through.

I saw a card at the airport not long ago. It was a picture of a prairie dog with pink curlers in its hair, wearing a pink bathrobe. In one paw was a mug of coffee. In the other was a donut. Inside the card were three words:

Livin' the dream.

You know what's funny about those three words? To live a dream, you must be awake. And when you are, blessings teeter to burdens, and reality totters to resentment.

It’s one of the most predictable traps in human psychology.

Mental Lesson: The Hedonic Treadmill

Humans adapt. Quickly. A dream fulfilled slowly becomes the new baseline. The thing that once felt extraordinary becomes ordinary. The blessing that once lit us up now blends into the background. 

This is called the hedonic treadmill: the tendency to return to a mental baseline, no matter how much our lives improve. It works like a mental escalator. No matter how high you climb, your mind quietly carries you back to neutral.

It’s why the joy of a new house fades. It’s why the thrill of a promotion disappears. It’s why the excitement of a scholarship evaporates once the season gets hard.

We don’t lose gratitude on purpose. We simply stop noticing.

Sahil Bloom shared a poem in The Five Types of Wealth that captures this perfectly:

How many folks, in country and in town, Neglect their principal affair; And let, for want of due repair, A real house fall down, To build a castle in the air?

Your real house is the life you’re living right now. The opportunities you dreamed of. The people you hoped to meet. The body you worked for. The moments you prayed to experience.

But the castle always calls. The next level, the upgrade, the future version of life that we think will finally make us feel fulfilled.

I’ll be the first to acknowledge that ambition is healthy. Aspirations matter. But ambition without presence robs the moment of its meaning.

A leader, an athlete, a high performer, they can chase big dreams while honoring the reality they once longed for.

That’s the essence of mental strength: Holding gratitude in one hand and aspiration in the other. I call it striving satisfied. 

Next Rep: Step into the Dream You're Living

Here’s your rep for the next two weeks. Let it bring your attention back to the present:

1. Identify the Dream You're Standing In What part of your life today would your younger self have given anything for? Bring the blessing back into focus.

2. Catch the Complaints Pay attention when you feel frustration toward something you once prayed for. The sport, the job, the relationship, the opportunity, your kids (yes, furry ones, too). Awareness sharpens gratitude.

3. Re-anchor the Meaning Shift from “I have to” to “I get to.”

   This reframes responsibility as privilege and reconnects you to the identity you worked to build. It puts you back in the driver's seat.

4. The Gap and The Gain

   Measure your progress by how far you’ve come, not by how far you still want to go. This shift trains your mind to see growth, build momentum, and move forward with confidence instead of mindlessly chasing the castle in the air. 

These small mental shifts ground you in the life you're living, not the future you're chasing or the past you're replaying.

Presence strengthens performance. Gratitude strengthens identity. Awareness strengthens the mind.

Final Buzzer

You’re standing inside a life your younger self used to dream about. The mind tries to pull you forward—into the next goal, the next upgrade, the next version of success—because that’s what the hedonic treadmill does. It convinces you that the real house doesn’t matter as much as the castle in the air.

But the real house is where your life happens, where your growth is built, where your identity takes shape.

The antidote is awareness.The advantage is perspective.The power is choice.

You can’t eliminate human psychology, but you can train a mindful response through the decisions you make and the actions you pursue. 

Gratitude slows the treadmill. 

Presence repairs the real house.

Intention keeps you from chasing castles in the air.

Here is the one question to sit with this week:

What blessing in your life are you taking for granted? And how can you honor it again?

Challenging you head-on and always in your corner,

​— Coach VJ