Who You Become In The Process
Who You Become In The Process
Shortly after our arrival into this world, we become inches and pounds. As we progress, we are marks on a wall, the alphabet on report cards, accomplishments on the refrigerator. If we gravitate to athletics, we are statistics in scorebooks, letters on jackets, names in newspapers.
Our worth continues to be measured by what we do.
At first, by others.
Then, by ourselves.
So, when do our lives start being about who we are, and who we want to become?
When, indeed?
Mental Lesson: You Become What You Repeat
I’ve been working with Utah State Women’s Basketball as their mental performance coach. During our most recent session together, I asked them this question:
“What’s more important: what you acquire, or who you become?”
Instantly, and in unison, the entire team answered the obvious.
“Who you become.”
I shared a clip of this conversation in a video last week that’s now sitting at 115k views on Instagram.
"Who you're becoming in the process — this is one of those things. This is why as coaches, we're always harping on you to be on time. This is why we're always harping on you to compete. This is why we're harping on you to hustle back on defense.
"Because it's more than the game. It's not what you're acquiring; it's who you're choosing to become in the process. If you're that person who always shows up late, if you're that athlete who always loafs, if you're that athlete who doesn't touch the line — that's who you're choosing to become.
"And once you take away the parameters, all this discipline surrounding you, what do you think your life is going to look like when you're on your own? This is exactly why us coaches are so hard on you.
"Because we care."
It’s healthy to have something to strive for. Having a goal to chase, excellence to pursue— these are the things that enrich our lives with passion and purpose, and sometimes even meaning. Trying to be the best we can be at something, bringing out the most of our potential, striving for greatness, doing our best to break records and win championships, and etching our name in the Hall of Fame. It’s all noteworthy.
But in the pursuit, who we become is the greatest acquisition of all. And the only way to reach our authentic selves is to let go of the results.
Think of all the intangible lessons a sport has taught you along the way. Leadership, teamwork, communication, resilience, sportsmanship. How to handle a tough loss, tough coaching, or continue giving your all when you’re a 4-time back-to-back-to-back-to-back state champion. The list goes on.
At some point, the game ends. What’s left is who you became in the process of your pursuit.
Whatever outcome you’re chasing, in whatever arena you find yourself, bring awareness to how your striving is shaping you.
Next Rep
Think about the discipline that surrounds you right now because of the environment that you’re in—your coach watching, the schedule your boss handed you, or the standard you’re held to.
We've always lived inside parameters. First, from others, who set them, who monitor them, who grade them. Then, we hold the control button, pressing who we think we need to be, how we need to be. Not only in our eyes, but in the eyes of others.
Ask yourself, how would your life look if those parameters disappeared tomorrow?
Pick one standard and hold it with no audience. Do you follow those benchmarks just because someone is watching, or because this is who you say you are? Can you hold the same criterion regardless of who’s around to notice?
Be honest. There is no one around to judge your answers. Your reflection is all you need.
Final Buzzer
You can spend a lifetime acquiring the trophies, the titles, the records with your name engraved into them. Lose yourself while you’re gathering all of those, and you step into the next chapter of your life decorated, but empty-handed where it actually counts.
Every environment has an expiration date—the career, the program, the uniform. What you build inside yourself remains eternal.
Integrity and excellence when no one is watching, showing up on time, competing regardless of the circumstance. Touching the line on the last wind sprint of the day even though your body is screaming with exhaustion. Those are the choices that decide who you’re becoming, the tiny fragments that make up your character.
When it’s all said and done, you become what you repeat. The choices you make daily are the raw material for your future self. Every choice compounds.
So, what’s more important to you?
What you acquire?
Or who you become?
Challenging you head-on and always in your corner,
— Coach VJ
This is the work I bring into locker rooms, boardrooms, and team environments.
If you’re looking to bring a mental performance message on confidence, pressure, and belief to your team or organization, you can connect with me here.
Check out my speaker tour dates here.
I also offer 1-on-1 mental performance coaching. You can learn more or book a conversation here.
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